Every child’s life begins with love, affection, and selfless sacrifice of their parents.
Children learn to walk and understand life and dream ways of growing up, always
staying side by side with their procreators. Moms and Dads, sacrificing their love,
time and resources, weave a web of profound dreams for the bright future of their
offspring. It is their desired expectation that their dreams and their progeny’s
dreams will blossom at the same time, and as a result, their future will be stirred up
with unending joy. In the present social system, parents are having their places in
Old Age Homes or nursing homes at their advanced age, under the plea of the
influence of the Western world and the modern socialization, which is not only
heart-rending but also a pitiless reality that has been degraded into an extreme
disaster of humanity. There, loneliness, negligence and deep mental anguish
become companions of their life. Every door of an Old Age Home is as if a symbol
of wait, for having the touch and closeness of their loved ones. Their days glide
away, yearning for the love of their near and dear ones, and also the presence of
their loved ones is just then a memory.

Although, in the Western world, the concept of Old Age Homes has been prevalent
for long, it is now becoming increasingly evident in Bangladesh. In such
circumstances, we need to think about whether any negative anti-human culture is
being implemented in our society without proper and top-to-bottom analysis. When
a parent grows physically weak and has to depend on medical treatment, he or she
needs more service and care, a touch of love and the closeness of their loved and
dear ones. But, instead, that very moment, they are being pushed away and at last
left at an Old Age Home. Though these Homes provide modern living amenities
and improved medical treatment along with ample care, the pure love of the
offspring, brought up with selfless care within the bond of tender parental
attachment, remains totally absent. Children are the sources, soothing eyes of
parents. No parents can feel mentally sound keeping away their children out of
sight.

Though many times they are adapted to and many a time they pretend to feel
well—all these are for the happiness, peace and prosperity of children. Even, while
parents are sheltered in Old Age Homes, parents pray for their children so that their

children, when they reach their old age, do not have to end up their days like them.
Serving old parents by children does not mean just carrying out their
responsibilities, but there is an inherent bliss and self-satisfaction in it. Some
people are in fact running after the mirage when they are in quest of real happiness.
In the words of Rabindranath Tagore:

They seek love for happiness,
but love is not available,
only happiness goes away,
such is the deception of illusion…….
They forget
whom they want leaving whom…….

In fact, there is no need of seeking love or anything else for happiness; one should
seek happiness for the sake of happiness. We have to create opportunities to learn
and understand the ethical teachings through family, society and educational
institutions as what are to give up and what are to hold fast for worldly happiness.
Examples are to be made by rendering nursing and services to elderly parents,
being so close to them in their most helpless and difficult times of life. This
example will be a great lesson for the next generation. Parents should be the center
of a family at all stages of life. It is a heartless and suicidal decision to have parents
segregated from the family, keeping them away, for the sake of happiness of the
family. The child who is keeping his parents away today will also grow old one
day. Perhaps he will never expect that his fate will be like his parents. So, a
healthy, normal and conscientious person can never think of being happy by
keeping his parents away.

The presence of old parents in the family strengthens the family bond. Many
people do not understand that true happiness lies in the simple human acts such as
living with parents, meeting their needs, and sharing their joys and sorrows. Even,
when old parents live with their children, grandchildren, and relatives during their
last days, they can still play an important role by offering various decisions in the
family matters. The success or failure of future generations creates emotional
upheaval in them. They dream of living longer period of time in close proximity
with their family members. But, parents living their lone lives in miserable
workless state in Old Age Homes find no motivation to live well. At these
extremely neglected moments of life, solitary parents have nothing else to do but,
as if, to wait for death. In a story titled "What Men Live By" by Leo Tolstoy, it is
found that an angel lives among people in order to know “How do people live? In
response to this enquiry, he discovered that people live because of love. The only

support for old parents to survive in their last days is the proximity and love of the
family. In a lonely state of life without family and love, people lose their
inspiration to live.

Does not ‘Old Age Home’ point to a kind of disaster on the part of our religious and
social values? In Islam, showing regard to parents and providing them with
services have been mentioned with great importance. The Holy Quran says, "Your
Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and be kind to your parents.
If either or both of them reach old age during your lifetime, do not pronounce to
them a word of ‘Uh’, nor scold them, but speak to them in a polite manner."
(17:23). It is very evident from this Verse (Ayat) what a dignified position The
Gracious Allah Has bestowed on parents. It is worth thinking of how much our
society has been able to imbibe this lesson. There is nothing wrong with it that
children should be brought up in such a way that they can reach the pinnacle of
success and also to make them dream of becoming great in life. Yet, religious
education and the cultivation of ethics and morality must be the foundation of all
education. The sense of humanity cannot flourish from a position, bereft of family
and social ties and also of spiritual relations.

By materializing the above fundamental teachings in our life, we must have to set
examples before the next generation as they live along with families. It would be
transmitted from generation to generation if respect is shown to parents in front of
children. The opinions of elders of families must be given importance at the time
of taking decisions on different matters and that for interests of own selves. The
teachings of the holy Prophet (Sm) will gain ground only with the carrying out of
services to parents……. one should always wait on performing duties towards
mother, because heaven lies under her feet.” (Sunaney Ibne Nasaye: 3104)
and…the best door to heaven is father.” If you desire you can break it or look after
it (Mishkat: 910).

Not only in Islam but also in other religious Scriptures, the responsibilities towards
parents are strongly emphasized; for example, in the Bible it is said, ‘Honour your
father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord i. e. your God has
given you” (Exodus 20:21). It is mentioned in 11 Clause (Anubak) in the
Upanishad that, “one should not be indifferent to performing your duties to Gods
and fathers; also mother, father, guests and priests must be worshipped, deeming
them as your gods.” Then why family, society and educational institutions are
proving themselves failure to impart the teachings characterized by ethics, morality
and religious principles, and indeed it is a matter to think of. So, it is necessary to

shed light on this issue to strengthen our society, culture and both social and family
ties. It is our responsibility to be aware that such a culture of any other society,
shorn of moral and ethical principles, may not debase and pollute our society. It
demands consideration whether it is proper and justified to build up a place such as
Old Age Home and to create opportunities of sending old parents there in exile.
However, the matter related to the childless old parents is different; society and the
state will make appropriate arrangements for them; in no way it can be a universal
arrangement. Society must be trained and enlightened through the execution of
responsibility that Allah the Almighty has assigned for parents. As He says in the
Holy Quran, "Bow down your heads before them with love and humility and say,
O Lord, have mercy on them both, as they brought me up when I was a child"
(17:24).

In our socio-cultural context, ‘family’ still means the bond of love between and
among all members, where parents, children and grandchildren are all drawn in
emotional effusions like laughter, tears, love and affection. This invaluable bond is
heavenly as well as endearing. Family is not only the center of blood ties; it is the
primary basis for learning values, humanity and ethics. This social and family bond
cannot be allowed to be destroyed. In this context, let me tell you an inspiring
event from our society—a woman has eight children. Everyone leads a separate
domestic life in question of reality and in an urge for earning livelihood. After the
demise of that woman’s husband, she lived for 32 years. At that time, a
psychological war began among the eight children to get or keep her close. The
older she had grown the more respect and love among her children kept on
increasing and that everyone wanted to keep her close. The house where the old
mother lived was always frequented by a number of relatives and friends to see and
meet her. She could not do much work and could not make decisions, yet she was
treated as the chief figure of the family. The most prestigious seat at the dinner
table or any other gathering was earmarked for her; also it was a family tradition to
get her consent before implementing any decision.

The main reason for her respect in the family was that she was a 'mother'. Even
before her death, her children, grandchildren, and relatives used to crowd at the
front of the hospital where she was admitted. Everyone came forward to bearing
the medical expenses for her as per their ability. Our society is replete with many
such events; there also exist values ​​and expectations of true happiness. The family
still feels happiness when salvaging the memory and passes time in quest of
tranquility. This sort of matter exerts tremendous influence on their grandchildren.
Even such gestures of theirs are looked upon as a vivid, hopeful and an amazing
picture by the next generation and near and dear ones.

In reality, when parents reach old age, they also become dependent like children.
At that time, they need the close touch of the family, the love and affection of their
children the most. The greatest expectation of parents is that their beloved children
should stay by their side, talk a little, hold hands, and sit close with smiling faces.
This attitude is not too much; this kind of love they deserve. The duty of the child
is to hold on to that love and ensure their overall safety and dignity. Keeping
parents in the family and fulfilling children’s responsibilities to them with care and
love is not only a social duty, it is a spiritual and religious duty, too. Almighty
Allah says in the Holy Quran: ‘And We have enjoined on man kindness to his
parents. His mother bore him with severe hardship. She feeds the child with her
breast milk. We have enjoined on him: Be grateful to Me and to your parents. To
Me is the final return." (31:14) Therefore, religious teachings must be believed
wholeheartedly. At the same time, if everyone from educational institutions and
families make joint efforts, a generation will be created in the future who will
consider serving their parents as a part of their duties and come out as sharers of
pride. If we do not stand by our parents in their last moments, we will not only lose
our humanity, but we will also cease to exist. The greatest fortune for a child is to
have the opportunity to serve their parents while they are alive. So, come, let us be
fortunate to share in that blessing and build the family on the ideals of ethics and
morality through love and responsibility.

*Major General Md. Mahbub-ul Alam, BSP, ndc, AFWC, psc, MPhil, PhD, is an
officer of the Bangladesh Army and the Vice-Chancellor of Bangladesh University
of Professionals.

Translated by: Prof. Dr. Gazi Abdulla-hel Baqui, a poet, writer, translator, researcher and an
academician.